This post is titled failures because this is how I've been feeling for a long time now. I know exactly when it started too, February of 2011 when I reached the lowest weight in my adult life, 142 lbs. I would say this was the lowest weight I have even been including my teen years. I felt amazing, I felt invincible! Then it all went wrong, very wrong. The beginning of April that year I put on 7lbs in 2 weeks! Somehow, I couldn't/wouldn't get it back off. So April of that year saw me sitting at about 150. By January of this year I was sitting at 155, up another 5 lbs.
At this point in my life being a Weight Warchers member/attending meetings was no longer a priority in my life, like it had been for so many years. More of the year went by and I'd sporadically go back to meetings. There was a gap from February-July. This time when I went back, up to 165 that's another 10 lbs on. August I went to one meeting, and another gap... That's right another 5lbs.
(Don't you love my leader's outlook on things?)
So where has the last almost two years gotten me? Nowhere but failure I have pretty much re-gained HALF of the weight I lost. Failure, that's the only way to put it.
I SWORE I WAS NEVER GOING BACK. WTF, I'm half way there.
My friends still tell me I'm thin, liars. If they saw how much of my "skinny" wardrobe I'm not wearing they'd know the truth. Acquaintances tell me I look fantastic, liars they have no clue I don't wear my form fitting clothes anymore. My family hasn't given me a reality check either, my partner has. He's been kind enough to let me know I'm getting "squishy". No matter what I know he loves me. He's known me from thick to thin and has accepted me no matter my size.
The only other things that have told me the truth besides Todd is: the scale, my clothes, and the mirror.
I've been back to Weight Watchers meetings two weeks in a row now. That's a start, in my first week back I've lost 0.5 lbs.
- thanks for reading!
5 comments:
Dani, good luck to you as you renew your efforts! You can do it! I, for one, am here cheering you on!
Robin in Virginia
Good luck Dani! I've fallen off my little endeavor. I need to get back to the gym and each day, after work, I tell myself tomorrow. I plan on going to the gym before my winter hermiting (and eating) get me back to where I started earlier this year. Hang in there!
I totally understand! In many aspects of my life lately I just feel plain awful. It's not always an easy road to travel, but I wish you all the best in your new start.
It's such a hard battle. One I have resolved to fight. It isn't easy but I know you can do it. You will do it!
The honesty and openness that you show in every one of your posts is an inspiration. I know I have said it before and I will say it again, thank you!
For what it is worth, I have been and am where you are.... continuing to wrestle with my weight and the impact it has on my activities and outlook. Knowing that I am not alone is important.
But let me say this, your value as a friend, stiching buddy, partner, sister, daughter, aunt, coach, instructor, co-worker, and in all your other roles begins with what comes from within, you are an absolute treasure and never forget that in your journey!!
Congrats on getting back to WW!
Never forget that some friends may not seem like they notice / do not say anything, but they do.... they are quietly and persistently cheering you on from afar and want only the best for you. So, keep on, keeping on! See you at retreat!!!!
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